On my last blog post I wrote about how I’ve been on animal crossing, and it’s been that way since.
I finished the major layout changes I wanted to make,
& I’ve revived my Nintendo online account hahaha.
My mom has Nintendo online too, so we’ve been playing together.
I’m very task oriented, so that little project has gotten majority of my attention these past 14 days.
✶✶✶
COme onnn
You knew I was still touching grass this entire time.
((Having control over my time makes me feel rich. Grateful. Grateful Grateful.))
Humans are multifaceted, you can do both,
you can do it all.
First tree is from a short 1-mile hike,
second pic is when I went to sit in the park and scroll my phone, there was a rainbow arc around the sun,
second tree is when we were walking around the neighborhood.
there is no audience to perform for, there is
unknown
no approval, no admiration to attain, there
is no role worth playing, there is no one to
convince. let it go.
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I didn’t realize how much I lacked stability and how it affected my whole life.
The past four years have been on go.
A trip every two weeks, going out every weekend or multiple times in a week, running, skating, all while being a fulltime student.
YES, there was a lot of memories made!
I don’t regret it at all.
There’s a type of complacency that doesn’t nourish the spirit,
where the mind loses some of its spark.
It felt like that was happening to me,
all the cities started to feel comfortable, the wonder of travel felt more normal than sitting my butt at home.
If I didn’t have something planned, I felt like something was missing or I wasn’t living right.
When I was home, I spent all my time doing something.
I never sat around; it was unbearable to “waste time” and
I thought in order to be worth something I had to be preforming or producing something.
Not liking where I lived but not caring because I was never there,
but staying there because it worked.
It started as a way to travel, to connect with my loved ones that live all over the place.
Eventually, it was like “ok, is this what we’re gonna keep doing? Running around?” It wasn’t sustainable anymore.
That thought has led me to finding somewhere I can call home.
Things fell into place naturally as I followed my instincts and
trusted the process.
Some months down the road and I find myself sitting around and
enjoying my home.
Enjoying the silence and the stillness.
I realized with stability came the feeling of safety.
The feeling of letting my walls down.
Feeling excited to create and learn again.
No longer looking at things as chores or “to-dos”
but as gifts.
Ways to enjoy my existence.
Stability helped me realize
which habits were really mine and which were
a product of something outside of me.
I feel comfortable to follow my dreams and make a difference in
my community.
Being in one spot (that I enjoy)
will allow me to build on what matters to me
these days.
Time passes, we shift with it,
and that’s why it’s important to check in with yourself.
Make sure that the spark is still
alive and burning.
I learned to check in before it starts to dwindle,
not when it’s already going.
The relationship with self is constant, ever evolving,
and sacred.
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Things are slower and less polished, but the weight is double.
Blackberries and blueberries are growing wild right now,
and we sit by the river a lot these days. I’m finally getting into drawing like I’ve been wanting to.
We get to watch soap box derby’s on the weekends and enjoy the lush outdoors during the week.
I let the dishes sit a little longer,
more concerned if my body feels good rather than if it looks good,
I let my phone die,
I don’t feel like things aren’t working because it’s not mapped out,
I trust myself and I follow what feels right,
it has blanketed everything with a feeling of ease.
Welcome To The Party 